Mom and I went with Stewart to court today. This is supposed to be the final hearing for his divorce. Carmen brought Carrie to the court house. Mom and I sat with her in the waiting area while they went in to see the judge. Carmen’s attorney used the unofficial visitation agreement we all signed when drafting the divorce agreement. Besides indicating that Stewart agreed to be supervised during his weekend visitations, it also said that Carmen would transport Carrie to KY for the weekend. The judge changed it to say that Stewart will provide all transportation. Surprisingly, the judge kept the part about supervision. More surprisingly, Stewart agreed. They signed and we went home.
Carmen approached me today and asked if I would like to designate my house as the place to always meet for visits. I told her that I wasn’t in the position to make suggestions about what was right for a permanent visitation schedule. She insisted on gathering all the family together to discuss it.
There were tense moments, like all the excuses Carmen made about what was wrong with Carrie and how there were special needs to attend to. She claimed that a special high chair and a special car seat were needed because of Carrie's lack of muscle tone. I told her that we would buy whatever we needed. The she said that Stewart couldn't afford it. We all told her that expense wasn't her concern. As a family we were all willing to buy what was needed. Dad went to look at her car seat and how it was installed in Carmen's car. He showed me privately that there was a strap on the back that hooked to something under the seat in front. It was only hooked to the cable that's part of the mechanism that moves the front seat back and forward. Not special AT ALL. He managed to convince Carmen that we could do the same thing in our cars.
We eventually drafted a preliminary agreement in which Carmen agreed to allow Carrie to come for weekend visits if Stewart would promise to always be accompanied by Mom, Dad or me when he picked Carrie up for weekend visits. but we got through it and signed the prelim agreement. I don't know if this is legally binding or even a good idea.
I put Carrie to bed tonight at 7:30 or 8:00. Carmen sat in our den with us and watched TV until she went to bed around 10:00. I had the baby monitor with me and heard Carmen go into the bedroom and close the door. I heard some rustling around. Not wanting to eavesdrop on her all night I turned it off. Within in minutes Carmen opened the bedroom door and called our for Kent and me to come to the room. She was hysterical because Carrie was crying and gasping for breath. She asked me to check the crib for anything that Carrie could have put in her mouth and choked on. I didn’t see anything. All this time Carrie just lay on the big bed crying, a frightened look on her face. Finally I snapped at Carmen to pick her up and comfort her. Oddly, Carmen put her hands under Carrie’s back and held her like a tray of food rather than a baby. She said something like, “Look how stiff she is. She’s having one of those breath-holding spells.”
Evidently breath holding has replaced seizures. Then Carmen burst into tears and said she was so worried about Stewart. She said that she just knew if he witnessed something like this he’d freak out. She kept asking us what we thought it could be. I really don’t know what it could be.
After Kent and I went to bed we talked about it quietly. The only way I can describe the look of fear and surprise on Carrie’s face is to compare her to someone I recently saw on FEAR FACTOR. The contestants were instructed to lie down in a sealed glass box and hold their breath while the box filled with water. One guy panicked immediately and signaled to be released. He kept gasping for air and started to cry. It looked to me like Carrie had been deprived of air, almost like someone smothered her. Did Carmen smother her in order to induce whatever spell that was?
***The following was written by Kent***
I saw Carmen working on the computer this morning and went on down for breakfast. While I was eating she came down and joined me. I offered her something to eat and she declined. As far as I know she has not eaten anything since she has been here. The next thing she asked me is if I knew anything about the teddy bear that Rita and Donnie gave Carrie. She asked if there was some significant value or they bought it at some yard sale for 25 cents. She went to described it as a ratty old, smelly, smoke infested, torn, moldy, and mildewy teddy bear. She asked me if I had a sewing kit and she going to fix it. I told her that I had needle and thread and would go get it. When I got up she heard Carrie on the baby monitor and told me not to worry about it. She went upstairs and got Carrie.
Afternoon conversation
I got to spend more time and asked her what she wanted. She said that she feels like she is divorcing the family and not Stewart. She said that Stewart is verbally abusive to his mother, claims that Stewart has been investigated for molesting Rudy, and that Rudy was sent away because of it. She claims that Stewart is unstable and was hospitalized 3 times in the 5 months they were married. Prior to the marriage she was unaware of his mental problems. She is afraid of him. She claims that Stewart does not take his medication. Claims that she had Donnie and Rita's phone number blocked because she was being harassed by them. I feel like she is making a strong case to deny Stewart anything other than once a month visitation and will not allow any unsupervised visitation. She will claim that the family is unreasonable and that [the dad's] family sees Carrie more than her family. She thinks that Stewart’s mother is making the decisions for him. She mentioned again that she knows who is making statements against her to the social worker but did not say who. She claims that after the hearing that she will allow the family full visitation if they want it, however I think that there will be control issues. The car seat came up again and she claims that she did not know that they were coming up on that Friday afternoon with the police. She said that was unreasonable and uncalled for. She would have allowed them to take Carrie as long as she was driving them around.
**The following was written by Kent****
While Jody and the rest of the family entertained Carrie on the front porch I had an opportunity to talk to Carmen privately. I started to clean up the rest of the dishes and she told me that she would do them. I left them alone and she filled up the sink with soap and water and then stopped. I then finished it myself. I thought this was odd. She continued to talk non stop so I started asking questions.
During our conversation she told me that she had a full time job in a School for the Deaf teaching 2nd graders. Even though school had not started she was working 5 days a week 8 or more hours. A little later in the conversation she described her work day as getting up every morning at 5:00 am and dropping off Carrie at the day care around 7:30 and driving 45 minutes to the small Catholic school and working till 3:00 pm. This does not add up to working 8 hours but she may have been counting the travel time. She is working at St. Rita’s in Evendale.
I talked to her a little bit about finances and she was quick to tell me that Stewart gives her only $20/week and everything else she pays for. Her day care is $250/week, diapers are $40/week and I forgot what she spent on formula. She also told me her father will be out of work for the next 6 months due to some surgery and she was going to be responsible for the mortgage.
I asked her about Carrie’s health and she admitted that Carrie did not have seizures but had seizures like symptoms that were filmed in the doctor’s office, day care and somewhere else. She claims that there are 5 or 6 videos which showed the seizures. She also demonstrated what the “seizures” looked like to me.
She also told me that she knew that someone was telling the social worker about her care. She complained that someone told them that she was keeping Carrie in a car seat constantly and she fired back that that was what the doctors told her to do. She was very defensive. She also knows that the family suspect Munchausen’s by Proxy.
I asked her about the custody issue. She said that she and Stewart had reached an agreement where she would come down once per month and Stewart could visit every other weekend. However Stewart changed his mind and that is why they have a meeting scheduled with a mediator. I asked her if she thought this was fair and she said that she thought so. I asked her if she thought Stewart could take the baby back home and she said that their car seat was not acceptable. I told her if that was the reason they could get another seat and she said Stewart could not afford it since they cost $200. I said if that was the only reason then Jody would probably buy a car seat and she quickly added that there were other issues and changed the subject.
