Lately what I've been writing sounds a little stiff. That's because my target audience is legal officials; social workers and attorneys. I started keeping a journal in the beginning just for myself. It only occurred to me much later that this might be a useful tool in our struggle.

Having said that, here is some more unofficial detail of yesterday's events. My tolerance level for Stewart has either dropped or I'm at my max. In any case, I made myself unavailable to take him to Ohio this weekend. We have only succeeded in picking Carrie up one time in the last year. I didn't believe we would be successful this weekend, so I didn't go. It has been several months since Dad and Rita were involved, so I let them help when they offered. It may have been a mistake.

Kent and I were looking forward to a quiet night at home instead of our usual 4-hour round trip to OH. Our movie watching was interrupted several times because someone or other called us on the phone several times. Stewart called twice before they even made it to OH to complain about how Dad and Rita were treating him. He was ready to get out of the car and walk in Erlanger. I didn't offer any advice either time he called. I just listened.

During one phone call I received a call waiting beep. When I answered the call I found Dad on the other line. He was calling to complain about Stewart. He was saying that Stewart was being unbearable and that he would probably never do this again. I didn't know what to say. I just said something like, "That's Stewart. You know how he is. Just get through it and come home."

Today, the next day, I talked to Stewart again on the phone. He said he'd never ride with Dad to OH ever again. He said Dad talked to him "like a dog" all the way up. Dad allegedly told him to keep his mouth shut. He was ungrateful. Dad was doing him a favor. You name it, Dad allegedly said it to Stewart. I'm sure it was a two-way street. Stewart said the evening ended with Dad telling him to get off his property before he got out his gun. What on earth could Stewart have said to Dad to provoke that kind of anger?

I do remember one other time when Stewart rode to OH with Dad and Mom (an unlikely pair). Mom told me later that Stewart let out all the stops in telling Dad everything he thought about how he was raised and how he felt like he didn't have a father. I would love to have heard it all, but would NOT have wanted to be in the car.

I also talked to Dad today. He didn't mention the orders to vacate premises, but he told me that Stewart told Rita to shut up at least once in the evening. He implied that Rita wasn't a real family member (or grandmother at least). Dad told Stewart to never talk to his wife that way again.

I'm sure all of it is true, it's just a matter of putting all the pieces together. Both men can be hard to handle at times. I know I'm much better off if I only have small doses one at a time. Right now I tolerate them for Carrie's sake. She is the one true focus of my familial energy. Something's gotta change soon. Carmen has already been found to be in contempt of court. How much longer can this go on?

This report is written from details I got from Stewart. Stewart went to Middletown to pick Carrie up. Dad drove him up. When they arrived, no one was home. Stewart called the police who told him that they wouldn’t consider filing a report until after 8:30. They said Carmen wouldn’t be considered late until 8:30. A few minutes later, Stewart called back to say that she had pretended not to be home on 2 other occasions, when in fact she was home. An officer was dispatched. Stewart gave his report and they returned to Kentucky.

According to the contempt order from the judge, today is considered a make-up visit. Stewart called Bruce around 3PM to let him know we were going to pick up Carrie. Bruce told Stewart that Carmen’s layer had called him to say that Carmen reported to her that Carrie was ill and couldn’t leave home for her visit. Carmen reported that Carrie has an upper respiratory infection. I called Dr. C’s office to find out if Carrie had been in due to illness. Kaya confirmed for me that Carmen had brought Carrie to the office on Thursday, February 17. Kaya said that Carrie doesn’t have an upper respiratory infection. She had the sniffles. Kaya faxed a note from Dr. C stating that Dr. C prescribed Rondec DM infant drops to be taken “if needed for cough or congestion”. Dr. C also sent a note via fax that Carrie was “ok to travel”.

Armed with this information we drove up to Middletown. We arrived at about 7:50PM. We waited in front of Carmen’s house for a few minutes then went to the door. I had the video camera with me. Carmen answered the door and said that her lawyer should have contacted Stewart’s lawyer to tell him that Carrie was too sick to travel. Stewart told her that his lawyer told him such. Stewart also showed her the note from Dr. C that said Carrie was OK to travel. Carmen said that Carrie was so sick that she missed her therapy appointments this week. She closed the door.

We called the police. An officer showed up around 9:30PM. We explained our situation. He went inside to speak with Carmen. He came back out to tell us that explained to Carmen that she was under court order and faced jail time if she didn’t “release the child”. He made a report and we headed home.

Carrie had an appointment with Dr. K today. Stewart spent the night at my house on 2/14 so we could get up early enough to leave and arrive at Dr. K’s office in West Chester OH by 8:30AM. I took the video camera with me. When we arrived, Carmen and Carrie were not there. We told the front desk personnel that we were present for Carrie’s appointment. She said that “Carrie’s mom” called to say they were running late. We took a seat and waited.

At 8:35AM Carmen & Carrie came in. Carmen went to the front desk and was there for a few minutes. Shortly after she took a seat, the front desk personnel (female) called me to the front and explained that they would place Stewart and me in a separate exam room so that Dr. K could do two separate exams and discuss the results with us separate from Carmen. She said there were “issues”. She then asked me about a fax I might have received regarding release of information. I explained that Eddi R mailed a form for Stewart to sign. We returned in via mail; however I had a copy with me. She made a copy for their local file.

Carmen & Carrie were called back a few minutes later. Then Stewart and I were called back. We were indeed placed in a separate exam room. After 10 or 15 minutes, Dr. K opened the door and invited us to join her in the other exam room. She had Carrie in her arms. Carmen was still in the exam room also. Dr. K also mentioned “issues”, but no one elaborated on what the “issues” were. She went on to explain that Carrie was doing well. She was meeting important milestones and making great progress developmentally. She said that unless the parents wanted to, she didn’t need to see Carrie anymore. She asked if there were any questions. Carmen stated that she would continue to have Carrie evaluated by CCDD and then left.

After Carmen was gone, Dr. K asked if we had anymore questions. I asked what the “issues” were. She was vague and said that there was some question about my presence. Basically, Carmen didn’t want me to be present. I asked about CCDD and whether or not we could get contact information from her office. She said that Carmen should be giving us that information and if she doesn’t then we should “stand our ground.” She also said that she understood what a difficult thing this was for us and reiterated that we should stand our ground. Before leaving I asked if she or the hospital had reached a conclusion about Munchausen by Proxy. She said that although the hospital had been concerned at one point, they no longer considered it to be an issue.

We went home.

I called to leave a message with Carrie’s pediatrician, Dr. C, regarding medications. I then sent her a fax requesting a written list of medication, dose and frequency. I then called to talk to Kaya in the office. She said she would make sure Dr. C gets my fax right away. She confirmed for me that Carrie’s next appointment is April 8, 2004 at 9:15AM for a check-up.

12:15PM - Dr. C returned my call. She said that she hasn’t prescribed any medications for Carrie. She has a letter in Carrie’s chart from the feeding team at Cincinnati Children’s hospital stating that they prescribed Zantac and Lactulose (generic for Enulose). She is forwarding a copy of the letter to me via fax. His contact information will be on the letter. I will use it to call him.

Mom and Stewart brought Carrie back to my house in the early afternoon. They reported to me that she had slept much better Saturday night than Friday night. She also had more of an appetite Sunday. As a result, she had two bowel movements.

At about 5:45PM we put the car seat in my car and loaded Carrie and her belongings for the trip home.

At 7PM, Stewart called Carmen using his cell phone to let her know that we were approaching the state line and would be there on time. She said “OK” and hung up.

We arrived at Carrie’s home at precisely 8PM. Carmen and Dave were waiting with the door open. I recorded every moment from when Stewart took Carrie out of the car until we were back in my car. At the front door of the house, Carmen took Carrie from Stewart, and then she took the diap er bag and handed it to Dave. Dave walked into the living room for a few seconds then reappeared to stand in the doorway. Carmen said that she had called the day before in order to find out if we understood the change in dosage of Enulose (a stool softener). I told her that Enulose wasn’t in the bag when we picked Carrie up. She insisted that it was. I said that the only medication in the bag was Prevacid. She then asked Dave to give her the bag. He reached through the living room doorway to retrieve the bag and handed it to Carmen. She reached into a few pockets then pulled out a bottle of liquid medicine. Once again, she insisted it was in the bag the whole time. I explained that I had searched each pocket of the diaper bag and the Enulose wasn’t included. She then interrogated me about my conversations with Carrie’s doctors. She said that if I had talked to them, then I should have known about Enulose, and subsequently should have called to find out where it was when I discovered that it wasn’t there. I told her that the only medication I knew of was Prevacid. She said the same doctor prescribed both medications, so why didn’t the doctor tell me about Enulose. My only explanation was that doctors can’t remember everything. I know the Enulose wasn’t in the bag, nor did we know that it was one of Carrie’s medications. I said, “I hope it isn’t life-threatening.” She said something like, “When you’re a 15-month-old child with hemorrhoids and constipation it sure as hell hurts a lot.” She then shut the door. The entire event is on my video tape.

I traveled to my mom’s house to spend the day. I took the video camera with me in order to document more of the visit. Mom and Stewart reported to me that Carrie slept very little the night before. She was alert and playful for the first half of my visit. Some family members visited and played with Carrie. She was very mobile. She crawls well. She pulls herself up to a standing position using furniture. She even learned how to climb the stairs. We had to watch her every minute because she could go from room to room to stairs in a blink of an eye. She became sleepy around 3PM, but fought off the urge to take a nap until Stewart bathed her at 4:30. She finally took a nap at 5PM and slept for a little over an hour.

Throughout the day she didn’t appear to be very hungry. She had a few bites of some stage two baby food, drank some juice, drank some milk and ate dry Cheerios.

Kent called me at Mom’s at around 2PM to tell me that the Lexington police came to our house to inquire about where Stewart, Carrie and I were. He said that Carmen R had called the Middletown police, who contacted the Lexington police.

Stewart reported to me that after I went home, he and Mom took Carrie to our father’s house for a visit.

On my way home, I checked my messages. I had one from Carmen and one from Dispatcher Corbett (sp?). Both requested a return call. I chose to call the dispatcher first. She said that Carmen had called her because she was concerned for her child. She gave the police my home number, my cell number and Stewart’s cell number. The dispatcher told me that it was her idea to dispatch the Lexington police officer. The dispatcher asked me why we didn’t call Carmen to let her know we had arrived at my house. I explained that as far as I knew, Carmen had blocked all our phone numbers, therefore we didn’t bother to call. I asked the dispatcher on what grounds did Carmen could request the Middletown Police department to track us down. She said that Carmen told her that according to court orders, she had the right to be in contact with us every 24 hours during our visits. I explained that the court orders didn’t say any such thing and offered to fax the papers to her. She said that she couldn’t care less. I asked if I could get a copy of her documentation. She said that she wouldn’t be documenting the incident.

Stewart talked to Bruce and found out that the judge had issued her statement. Bruce faxed a copy of it to Stewart. Stewart faxed a copy of it to me. The judge found Carmen to be in contempt of the divorce decree for denying Stewart the opportunity to have Carrie for weekend visits. She recommended 10 days in jail stayed until a follow-up hearing scheduled on June 13, 2005. The statement indicated that visitations are to resume on February 11, 2005 (today) and that Carmen is to have Carrie ready for Stewart to pick her up promptly at 8PM.

We arrived at the home of Carmen R to pick up Carrie R at precisely 8PM. Dave K answered the door and told us that Carmen was getting Carrie ready. He requested that we wait outside. Shortly after, Carmen came to the door. She thrust the diaper bag at Stewart and handed Carrie to me. Stewart asked if everything we needed was in the diaper bag. Carmen’s response was: “What do you think?” She then closed the door.

Once in my car we examined the diaper bag. Inside were 3 outfits, a pair of shoes, some socks, an empty bottle, an empty sippy cup and a zip-lock bag with Prevacid and a post-it note explaining that Carrie should take her Prevacid before breakfast.

We went to the nearby K-Mart parking lot to evaluate Carrie’s physical condition and took a few photographs to document her condition. I bought a tape for the 8MM video camera at K-Mart and began to video tape our journey to my house. Carrie didn’t cry or behave as if she were upset at any point in the car ride.

Holly J (Stewart’s and my mother) met us at my house in Lexington. We transferred Carrie in her car seat to our mom’s car. Stewart and Carrie spent the night with our mom.

Mom, Stewart and I went to court in Hamilton OH today for a hearing on Stewart’s motion about Carmen being in contempt of court. Other than the short time I was on the stand I stayed in the hall outside the court room. My testimony basically included statements about the times we have driven to Carmen’s house to pick up Carrie and been denied. I gave dates and talked about calling the police. We had copies of the police reports to submit as evidence. I also testified about being present when Stewart was served with the CPO. The judge (actually a magistrate) took it all under advisement. We won’t know anything for a few days.

Contempt Hearing Coming Up

Tomorrow is judgment day for Carmen in the contempt of court arena. What will the judge say/ What else will Carmen start? Bruce H mentioned to Mom that she is probably going to file a motion for complete custody change. i can't stand myself for thinking this, but perhaps it's time to give up. I have already grieved over the loss of Carrie anyway. We haven't seen her since October.