We had our first supervised visit with Carrie. We arrived a little early, shortly after 2:30. The foster mom didn’t arrive until 3:45. Kendall said that we would get our full two hours anyway. He took up much of our visit time by interviewing us for his paperwork.

I was surprised to see that she was walking with more confidence, but not completely independent yet. Mom offered her a piece of a cookie. She actually took it and ate it. She grabbed the rest of the cookie from Mom and shoved it in her mouth! During her time at my house she wouldn’t eat any solid food. We were pleased with her progress.

At 5 the security guard came to the room we were in and told us we had to go. Kendall apologized for not realizing that Friday visits can’t go beyond 5PM. Stewart became angry and said the he was going to call Kendall’s supervisor and complain. The visit was definitely too short.

Someone from Dr. C’s office called to remind me of Carrie’s appointment tomorrow. I called Kendall and left a message about it so the foster family can take her. He called me back while I was in class. He left a message instructing me to cancel the appointment.

Drew (social worker friend) is concerned with how the court will view a private home study. He thinks that they may be suspicious. He said he will help me arrange one after I verify that Ohio courts will view them favorably. In the meantime he thinks Gilda should keep in touch with the Interstate Compact Admin office for each state. The admin for Kentucky is Mike Overstreet 502-564-2147.

The last thing I want to do is end up living in a dream world thinking that I will have Carrie back in my custody in the blink of an eye. I do realize that it will take lots of time and effort. I'm not sure how much Bruce & Gilda know about interstate family placement, but they both seem optimistic about it. All I have to go on is what people tell me.

I left a message for Kendall R at 8:45AM. Then I called his supervisor, Julie H, and left a message with some details of the messages I have left for Kendall. I mentioned that Gilda S and Bruce H both advised me to petition for a home study in order to be considered for family placement.

Kendall called me late in the afternoon. We are starting the home study process. He asked about my house, how many bedrooms, income, medical insurance etc. He asked who else lives with me. I told him about Kent and gave him Kent’s number so he could call and interview Kent. He also told me that Stewart could come Friday for a supervised visit from 3-5 and bring 2 people with him.

I talked to Bruce H after talking to Kendall. He said that we could perhaps have someone do a private home study as long as they use the correct format. They must be licensed social worker. Once completed, give it to Gilda and let her take it to CSB.

I left another message for Kendall R around 2PM.

I left another message for Kendall R at 11:56AM. I also faxed a letter requesting a home study.

Gilda called me shortly after 8. She said that she will start advocating for me to have custody of Carrie right away. She said that she plans on contacting the foster family right away. She also said that she was going to recommend that the foster family not having anything to do with Carmen, especially supervise visits. She had spoken with Betsy R at Abilities First before calling me. Betsy reported that Carmen had been calling them trying to get information about Carrie during the past several days. She didn’t have any other news yet. I left a message for Kendall R between 8 & 9 AM. I left another message in the afternoon.

LETTER FROM A FRIEND

Dear sweet Jody, I am so sorry you and the baby are having to go through this. Under the very best of circumstances all the moving around can only lead to greater difficulty for the baby. As I mentioned to you before, I do not think she has attachment disorders. However, she may begin to experience for attachment issues with new care takers in and out of her life.

Jody, The home investigation will be done by a branch of DCBS (Department for Community Based Services) with whom I have had little contact. However, I will do all I can to help get the process moving along. If things go true to form, you can expect a number of delays and surprises. When you are dealing with a woman who has the problems Carmen is exhibiting, you might expect anything. The other piece of the process that you need to get moving as quickly as possible is the psychological evaluations on Carmen and Stewart.

The results of the home investigation will, quite frankly, depend on the caseworker who does the investigation. You sexual orientation may or may not become an open issue. It could also become an issue but get couched in lots of other ways. When the investigation occures be just as honest as possible. One thing that would be helpful is for the worker to see you and the baby interact. I am not sure how to arrange that. If that can happen, all you have to do is simply be yourself and interact with her from your heart and head.

As soon as I get home I will begin to search out ways that might get things on a faster track.
But, I am afraid you are about to find out just how cumbersome and ineffective a large organization can be.

I know you are going to be thinking of the baby all of the time, but try to focus some on finishing up the semester. You are going to have to really take good care of yourself right now.
I am going to go ahead and say this (not sure how appropriate it might be): This is a time you and Kent can become much closer or it is a time when the relationship can become challenged. So, becasue I know you want the former, please pay attention to each other and keep a good flow of communication during this period. Both of you are wonderful men but you are also quite different in temperment and experience.

Talk to you Monday. Much love Drew

Before the hearing Stewart and I met with Bruce and Gilda. Stewart told Gilda that if it was possible, he’d like for her to recommend to the judge that he get solo custody. He explained that he thought he had done a good job of taking care of her during the past 4 days at my house. Gilda was honest and straightforward with him. She said that the only reason she recommended joint custody with me was so that he wouldn’t have hard feelings against me. She also said that if she were forced to choose, she would choose to recommend that I get custody. Stewart became quite angry.

The hearing didn't go as well as we had hoped. In addition to denying that she was a danger to the baby, Carrie's mom repeatedly insisted that Stewart had physically abused her the weekend of April 8-10. She even took her to the emergency room to document bruises. I can only imagine where the bruises came from, and it breaks my heart. As a result, the judge ordered that Carrie be placed in custody of the children's services board pending investigation. He also ordered psychological evaluations of both parents. The good news is that Carrie is still NOT with her mom. The other good news is that the judge acknowledged the disorder that dare not speak its name: Munchausen by Proxy. He set a pre-trial hearing for July 5.

Bruce and Gilda both said that they didn’t see it coming. They were in denial for a few minutes. What’s next? They both said that we would immediately start asking for an interstate home study in order to get Carrie placed with me. The judge had mentioned in the courtroom that these kinds of trials can take years to sort out. I can’t imagine dealing with this for years. Bruce said that Stewart should apply for a court appointed attorney. At first, I thought he was going to resign from the case. Then he said that if Stewart is approved, he would volunteer to stay on the case. Stewart applied and was approved in minutes.

Immediately after the hearing Bruce, Stewart and I went to the childrens services board office to give them a copy of the order and arrange to turn Carrie over. While we were waiting, Dr. Moore passed through the waiting room. Bruce spoke to him about scheduling Stewart’s psychological evaluation. Bruce was able to get the eval scheduled for May 17^th at 11AM.

While we waited for someone to come talk to us, I asked Bruce several questions about what would happen next? Bruce said again that we have to ask for a home study so Carrie can be placed with me. He said I should sign a release for a background check. He also said I should ask about having the supervised visits at my home.

We spoke with a couple different people. The only one I can remember is Kenyetta (sp?). She said that we had to have Carrie back at the facility by 9:30PM. We also found out that they don’t have release forms to do a background check for people living in KY. I would have to get my own background check and submit it.

On the way home we called mom and told her to meet at my house. I called Kent to tell him what was going on. We all met at my house and spent our last couple hours with Carrie. I found out that the Lexington PD doesn’t do background checks anymore. They referred me to Frankfort. So, on the way back to Hamilton, I went to Frankfort. Stewart and I both got reports.

We arrived in Hamilton around 9:15. We rang the bell. Kenyetta came to the door and led us back to the parking lot. Caitlin Basano was the on-call worker who took Carrie to her foster home. We got a card with Kendall R’s name on it. He is the intake worker who is processing the case.

Kent and I arranged for him to come home for an early lunch so I could go to class today. I left Stewart at home and took Carrie to Kindercare for our tour. Brandy was a super nice young woman. She gave me a complete tour. She went over discipline, curriculum, security, ratios of caregivers to children, etc. She put us on the waiting list. They should have an opening the first week of May.

Here’s a list of what all I did since taking custody:

1. Took her to see Dr C
2. Informed Dr. C of the temporary custody change
3. Informed Abilities First of the temporary custody change
4. Informed Dr. Y & Dr. K2 of the temporary custody change
5. Contacted KY First Steps about pediatric therapies
6. Joined waiting list at daycare
7. Contacted Dr. M about being Carrie’s pediatrician
8. Contacted CareSource in OH about coverage in KY (ER only)
   

Mom came up after work to get Carrie to keep her for the night so Stewart and I can go to the Shelter Care Hearing tomorrow.

I called Abilities First and left a message for Jan. When she called me back I gave her a brief synopsis of what’s going on with Carrie. I followed up the phone call by e-mailing the court order PDF document to Betsy R.

I also started calling several daycare centers. Someone Kent works with recommended the Lexington Hearing & Speech Center Daycare. Their waiting list is quite long. They won’t have any openings until Fall 2005. Kristie S takes her son to a daycare near our house and my work. I called Kristie to find out who to talk to. She said I should call Brandy Sxxxxxxx. I did and made an appointment to tour tomorrow at 2PM.

I sent an e-mail to Dr. M to see if he would either agree to be Carrie’s doctor or refer someone. He replied saying he’d be glad to see her. That’s a relief.

Since the semester isn’t over, I had to go to my 8AM and 5:30PM classes today. Even though Stewart and I have joint temporary custody, I don’t feel comfortable leaving him alone with Carrie. Kent agreed to stay home until I got back from the 8AM class. Drew B and Rodney came over and stayed while I went to the 5:30 class. I missed my 1PM Spanish class.

LETTER FROM A FRIEND

Leah looked at the papers and said that the fact that they have a restraining order and a no contact order with the removal is significant. That is more than would usually be done in such cases. The hearing on wed will be in front of a magistrat instead of a judge which is not significant just how the court is manageing the case load up there.
Leah doubts that there will be a final determination on wed and most likely will still be a temporary custody order but will probably be for a longer period of time while the permanent custody arrangement is decided. She thinks you all will probably go back home with Carrie and then within a few days the magistrat will make a determination.
Leah also thinks this is a very positive move for your side. To get a disinterested party (GAL) that goes in and asked for an emergency removal is a very strong positive in your favor and also unusual.

Call Billy A because he worked for the state child protection folks, whatever it is called in Ohio, and he can give you an excellent idea of what would happen in Ohio. [...] I think that he is going to be your best source of inside info for the Ohio system.

I assume that the ideal goal would be permanent custody with you and your brother and ultimate termination of rights with the mother then maybe down the road adoption of Carrie by you with your brother's termination of his rights and letting you do a private adoption. That of course is way down the line and something that would be good for everybody involved but probably not something you need to discuss with your brother at this time. It certainly seems that your brother is well aware of his limitations in raising a child and after meeting him I see how really limited he is.
You are a good man and so is Kent. You both have my love, respect and admiration.
Let me know if there is anything you need from me and I am excited about the baby shower!!
P.S. I have many practical survival tips for raising children. :-)

Email to Friends:

This is what the court order says:

On Friday, April 15, 2005, this case came before the court pursuant to a complaint regarding allegation (01) DEPENDENCY 2151.04 concerning the child and wherein the complaint requests the issue of an emergency ex parte order. Gilda S, GAL, was present.

After considering the documents as filed, this court finds that there is probable cause to believe that the issuance of the following orders are necessary to preven immediate or threatened emotional harm to the child named above or are otherwise in the best interests of said child.

The child shall be placed in the temporary custody of STEWART (FATHER), AND JODY (UNCLE) who shall be vested with the rights and responisibilities of residential parent(s) and temporary custodian of above named child.

• Mother shall not have any contact with said child. Contact is defined as any contact of any kind whatsever whtether in person or through intermediaries. Contact includes any communication or attempt at communication regardless of the method (personal, writte, electronic, recorded, telephonic, visual, or auditory). Further, the defendant is hereby restrained from coming within five hundreed (500) feet of the residence of the above-named child or children or within five hundred (500) feet of any location where the child is likely to be present.

This matter is set for SHELTER CARE HEARING on 04/20/2005 10:00 AM before MAGISTRATE JEFFREY K. MXXXXXXX

I believe that yesterday was a big step in the right direction for Carrie. I'm just nervous about the hearing on Wednesday and other future court appearances. I feel like I could wake up tomorrow to find Carrie gone as if this were all a dream. We've come too far to give up now, however. Thanks to both of you for always being willing to listen to me and offer your words of wisdom.

xoxox
Jody

Bruce called me at 11:45AM to say that they just left court. Judge Craft issued an emergency ex-parte order to remove Carrie from Carmen. He placed her in joint custody with Stewart and me. I called mom and Stewart to tell them to meet me at my house ASAP so we could all go together and get Carrie.

Bruce arranged to meet us at the Monroe exit at Wendy’s to give us two certified copies of the order. We called the police once back on I-75 and asked them to meet us at Carmen's house. They once again dispatched an officer to the corner of Holly and Vancouver. At first, Carmen didn’t answer the door, but her van was in the driveway. After a few minutes she came to the door. Three officers went in. It was almost 30 minutes before they came back out. Carmen followed carrying Carrie. Stewart put Carrie in the car seat and we started to drive home. Carrie had a bruise on her right cheek under her eye. She was also coughing and sniffling quite a bit. She seemed tired.

I decided to call Kaya and find out if Carrie had been in to see Dr. C. She hadn’t been in, but Kaya asked if we would like to bring her in. It was 4:30, the office closed at 5PM. We were already on I-75 at the Monroe exit. I turned around and went back. Dr. C examined Carrie and determined that she had an upper respiratory infection. She advised us to give her Robitussin every four hours. Otherwise, she was fine. She didn’t say anything about the bruise other than it’s impossible to determine how old it was or what caused it. I guess the same can be said about the bruises that Carmen reported the previous Monday.

Bruce called again to say that we should be on standby. Gilda is putting together an affidavit to take to a judge. So far CSB hasn’t done anything, but a judge may order Carrie removed.

Bruce left a voicemail message for me today saying that things had taken a serious turn. Gilda reported to him that Carmen called her to report that Carrie came home from her visit with large bruises. Gilda immediately went to Carmen's house to investigate. She said that Carrie does have two bruises the size of silver dollars. After leaving, Gilda called Childrens Services and made a report. She feels that they may remove Carrie.

Bruce instructed me to call the Childrens Services Board (513-887-4055 ##2000) and ask for the intake unit. He said that I should inform them that relatives are interested in being considered for placement if Carrie is removed. I spoke with someone named Bob. When I told him my name, he asked if I am the uncle who supervises visits. I told him I am.

Mom came up again today. We all took Carrie to the park. I videotaped much of the outing. Carrie absolutely loved the park. On the way back, she insisted on pushing her stroller rather than ride in it. Although she isn’t walking very well right now, she is more stable when she is pushing the stroller.

Mom and Stewart left my house at 5:30PM to take Carrie home.

Stewart and I got up early, had breakfast with Carrie, and went to Richmond to see Mom at her store. We spent an hour or so with mom, but needed to get back to my house because Gilda S was to come at 1PM.

On the way we stopped and bought a highchair. Then we went to Kroger to get some things for Carrie to eat. We got home in time to have lunch before Gilda’s arrival.

Gilda arrived while Carrie was still in her highchair. Carrie was covered with greenbeans. While Gilda interviewed Kent and me, Stewart gave Carrie a bath. During our interview Gilda asked Kent and me the nature or our relationship. I could tell that she knew that we are more than roommates. In fact, she simply said, "If you are more than roommates, that's fine with me. It's not really anybody's business but we all need to be truthful with each other. As a result, we told her that we are partners and have been together for exactly 7 years. I felt really good about everything after we got that out in the open.

She then interviewed Stewart. The visit was positive overall. Gilda gave us many words of encouragement. She said that Carmen was skating on thin ice at this point. She also said that she has known judges/magistrates to put parents in jail for less than what Carmen has done so far. She also said that Stewart's mental illness alone was not a reason to restrict or eliminate his visitation rights.

Mom came up after work. She and Stewart had dinner together while Kent and I went out.

We were supposed to go to Carrie’s appointment with Dr. C in Middletown today, but found out that Carmen rescheduled it for April 29. Kaya told us that Carrie was last in to see Dr. C on March 8, 2005 as a follow-up to treatment for sinusitis. She is currently on Prevacid and Enulose. I went to work since the appointment was cancelled. We’re also supposed to go pick up Carrie today.

When I got home from work I got a letter in the mail from the Middletown City Prosecutor. He said that Carmen had been into his office telling him about how I had forced entry into her house and trespassed. The letter basically admonished me and told me that this kind of behavior is not tolerated in Middletown. He ordered me to cease and desist. Don’t call Carmen, don’t go near her house. This posed quite a problem since I was going to accompany Stewart in picking up Carrie.

I called my friend Enrique S because he’s an attorney. He advised me to go with Stewart anyway. He said to call the police on the way up and tell them the situation and request that they meet us at Carmen’s house.

Kent, Stewart and I left my house at 5:30 in order to arrive by 8:00. I followed Enrique’s advice. The police (Officer Albrecht) met us at the corner of Holly and Vancouver. He instructed Stewart and me to stay in the car while he went to the door. Shortly after, he came back out with Carmen and Carrie. With Carrie in the car we drove home.